


Once Dead

by MortisBane



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Angst, Execution, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Sad, Sad Ending, no beta we die like men, this hurted, what have i become
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:21:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24785326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MortisBane/pseuds/MortisBane
Summary: Six years after his disappearance, Thrawn has been retrieved by the New Republic. His one request is to see Eli Vanto.
Relationships: Eli Vanto & Un'hee, Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 26
Kudos: 82





	Once Dead

Eli couldn't believe what had happened. Thrawn had vanished, barely a cycle after he'd last seen him, swiftly and thoroughly stolen away from the Galaxy. The news didn't take long to reach the Steadfast. Ar'alani had cautious eyes on Thrawn and his movements in the Empire. She had once said it was in case he ever needed extraction. However, with how she reacted to his disappearance, Eli thought it was more out of concern.

The woman was an expert at hiding her true emotions, few things made it past her stoic appearance other than anger or contempt. But when she heard Thrawn was missing and presumed dead, it was like something deep inside her had broken. Her shoulders sagged, her entire frame curling in on herself ever so slightly, and she directed her narrowed eyes to the ground. It was quick, lasting barely a few seconds, but Eli had seen it, and had understood.

To him, something inside him had died. A piece of his souls that he'd unintentionally tied to Thrawn. The part of him he tried not to think about, the one that warmed when Thrawn was near, when he spoke praises, lessons, anything.

When Thrawn was declared dead, Eli felt like it was a part of himself he'd never get back. And in that moment, he realized what that part meant. He had fallen in love with Thrawn, somewhere along the ten year path they walked together, it happened. Yet now, that love died alongside the man it was for.

He was lucky to have a purpose, a bigger cause to work at, anything to keep his dark thoughts at bay. He still mourned, but only in the late nights alone in his quarters.

But now, all that pain, suffering, it had all been for nothing. Years after the news of his disappearance, Thrawn had reappeared. The details were unclear, lost in translation and distance but the general message was clear. Thrawn had been found, he was safe, and he had asked the New Republic to bring him Eli.

That had been just as shocking as the rest of it, Thrawn had requested Eli, specifically Eli, and only Eli. Six years after a part of him had died, it was once again full of life and thriving. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so happy, so light, so full of energy. Thrawn was safe, he was alive, and he wanted to see Eli above all others.

Ar’alani had been angry that she herself was not requested but had relented under Eli’s reasoning. It made sense for Thrawn to ask for a Human to come. If he needed accounts or testimony to help ease any possible sentence the New Republic might want to foist on him for his imperial service, a Human who fluently knew basic and spent ten years alongside the man was the best choice.

That didn’t quell his excitement as he was led through the Imperial cell blocks on Coruscant. Or, he supposed, it was the New Republic cell blocks now. Thrawn had been transferred here soon after his return to the galaxy, which was understandable, he had been an enemy to the Rebellion, which was now the New Republic. He would be brought up on charges for his actions. Eli only hoped to lessen his punishment and get him out as soon as possible.

The guards escorting him paused in front of a particular cell, and Eli leaned to look around them and at the door. One put in a code cylinder and the door slid open. Eli’s breath caught in his throat, and the part of him that had once died, stirred again in his chest.

There he was.

Thrawn, Mitth’raw’nuruodo, ex-grand admiral to the Empire, and on hiatus Commander of the Chiss Defense Fleet. His mentor, his superior, his friend. The Chiss sat casually in his cell, hands bound, resting gently in his lap. Dressed in a standard orange jumpsuit, Eli had half expected him to be wearing whatever rags they’d found him in, something like what he’d first met the Chiss in. While his dress was different, his hair was just as long as he remembered from their first meeting. Cascading from his scalp like strands of black silk. Even in the unflattering jumpsuit, he looked stunning.

“Thrawn!” He couldn’t help but gasp. He fought his urge to run to the man and embrace him. They were being watched and based on how Thrawn treated him when they’d last seen each other, it might not be appreciated.

Surprisingly, the man smiled at him. A real and genuine smile.

“Eli Vanto. It has been some time.” Thrawn answered, slowly standing to his full height.

The guards moved aside, giving Eli room to enter. “You have one hour.” One of them said. Eli gave him a confused look, were there restrictions on visiting hours? Maybe up until a trial was held perhaps.

He entered wordlessly, and the door closed behind him, allowing him and Thrawn the appearance of privacy. He knew that, in reality, they were being monitored both through video and audio, but he didn’t care. He was just glad to finally see Thrawn after all this time.

“What happened?” He breathed, rushing forward until he was face to face with the Chiss.

“Have you not been informed?” Thrawn asked instead, tilting his head slightly to the side, an action he was known to do, but it was amplified by his hair going along with the movement.

“I haven’t been told anything. Just that you had been found, were in custody, and had requested to see me.” Thrawn stared at him a moment, like his mind was working through a dense piece of art. Then he smiled again, this time, a slight hint of sadness to the upturned lips.

“I was taken out of the playing field, as one would say.” He began, moving to sit back down. “I miscalculated and paid the price. The young Jedi, Ezra Bridger defeated me, yet it was his companions that returned us to the known galaxy.”

“H-How? I don’t understand.” He took a seat next to the alien, leaning more into his space than was probably professional.

“Eli please.” Thrawn spoke between them. “You will know in time, let us discuss other things.”

Eli. Thrawn had called him Eli. Not Vanto, or even his full name like he had before, but just Eli. It was casual, familiar, a display of their relationship, one few but they would pick up on. He couldn’t help but blush at that. Thrawn had never called him just Eli before.

“Y-Yeah okay.” He stammered. “What other things?”

Thrawn looked him in the eye, head tilted to the side so his hair acted like a curtain, blocking out the world behind him, almost so he forgot where they were. “You.” And Eli’s heart nearly stopped. Was this real, was this his Thrawn?

“M-Me?”

“Yes, please tell me all that has happened to you in my absence.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” And how could Eli say no to that?

So, he told him, told him everything. Told him of the many skirmishes with the Grysk in the last six years. The victories, the narrow escapes, the growing threats. The ongoing conflict with the Grysk had delayed the pending civil war on Csilla, but it was clear that tensions were still rising, and fears were high everywhere that war was imminent. He told him about Vah’nya, who’s third sight had finally faded, and the woman discharged from service. Told him about Un’hee who still served aboard the Steadfast and had taken a liking to Eli in Vah’nya’s absence. He told Thrawn about his promotions, making it all the way up to Commodore and practical second in command to Admiral Ar’alani herself.

All the while, Thrawn listened intently, his eyes moving over Eli’s entire form. Like he was mapping him out, trying to memorize every detail and inch, as if it was the last time he’d ever see him. Eli tried not to think about it, but that once dead part inside him kept stirring in his chest at the idea.

“Enough about that.” He sighs, looking away from Thrawn’s intense stare. “The guards said we only had an hour; we should probably talk about your upcoming trial. When is it?”

“A date has yet to be set.” Thrawn answered, his voice sounding strange. “We will have time for that another day. Today, I wish simply to catch up.”

“Thrawn, are you feeling okay?” He laughed nervously. “You seem awfully concerned with me more than yourself. I think you’re more important at the moment. My life isn’t at stake.”

“And mine is? Do you believe the New Republic will execute me for my actions?”

“No. I mean, maybe? I don’t know, but it worries me. I’m hoping that I can convince them of your better intentions, lessen your sentence, and get you a chance to be free. The Ascendancy needs you.” _I need you_ , he left unspoken.

“Do you believe yourself able to convince them?”

Eli looked him over, sitting tall and tilting up his chin defiantly. “I do.”

Thrawn simply smiled again.

“You’ve grown Eli. Become the strong and confident man I knew you could be. You have done wonders for my people; I know you will continue to serve them.”

“We’ll continue to serve them Thrawn.” He placed a hand on the Chiss’ shoulder despite all his senses telling him he shouldn’t. It was too obvious, too close of contact. “I’ll make sure of it.” Thrawn’s smile turned sad again, and Eli was struck with the urge to kiss it away.

“Tell me about your family. Have you heard from your parents?”

“You’re avoiding the matter at hand.” He accused. “Thrawn, what are you up to? You keep trying to distract me.” Thrawn watched him carefully, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“Your skills for deduction are as sharp as ever. I am glad.”

“Thrawn-” He was cut off as Thrawn reached forward, his shackled hands cupping Eli’s face delicately. He could feel the calluses, the scars, and the ware from years exposed to the elements and striving to survive in them. “What are you…?”

“Eli.” Thrawn’s voice was barely a whisper. “Please, don’t stop talking.”

There was something in Thrawn’s eyes. An intensity, something he might call desperation if he’d seen it on anyone else. Thrawn wanted, no, needed him to keep talking. Telling Thrawn anything and everything about him. And he showed no signs of explaining why. Fine, Eli could do that, if it was for Thrawn. They could discuss the important things later, there was always tomorrow.

So he spoke, talked as long as Thrawn would listen. He started with whatever stories he could think of from the Steadfast. As they ran out, he moved to the letters shared between him and his parents. Then onto stories from his childhood. Thrawn listened, his full attention directed at him. He never interrupted, something he would do to Eli when they’d first met, and he would ask Eli to tell him stories. It was strange, slightly unnerving, but also domestic. Eli could get lost in the soft look on Thrawn’s face, how he relaxed into Eli’s voice, absorbing and cherishing every word.

In some ways, he felt he could pretend they were more than friends in this moment. That this talk, the longing look in Thrawn’s eyes, was that of a pair of lovers. It kept that part deep inside him content, so it didn’t try burning him from the inside out. Even if he was constantly bombarded with thoughts of reaching out and touching Thrawn, holding his hand, his face, feeling his hair, or his lips. He would have to glance away when those thoughts grew too strong, but Thrawn thankfully didn’t seem to mind.

He was partway through a story about camping by a river with his cousins as a teen when the door to the cell opened and the guards entered. He stopped, turning to them, Thrawn didn’t bother doing the same.

“Time’s up.” He said. Eli frowned but stood. Surprisingly, Thrawn stood as well. A goodbye maybe?

“When can I come back?” He asked the guard. He shot Eli a confused look along with a furrowed brow.

“You can accompany us, if you really want to.” His companion snickered but said nothing else.

“I will then.” He looked to Thrawn, hoping for context, but the Chiss wasn’t looking at him anymore. This must be one of those instances where he wanted Eli to connect the pieces himself. So be it.

The guards gestured Thrawn towards the door with their blasters and he complied. One guard took point, the other following closely behind. Eli took up walking behind that one, trying to piece together what was happening.

Thrawn was a prisoner, and hadn’t even faced trial yet, a date wasn’t even set. Unless the Chiss had lied to him about that. But there was no way they were on their way to a court now. Thrawn wouldn’t have wasted precious planning time to listen to Eli ramble about the first time he’d broken a bone. No, it had to be something else.

The guards led them to a turbolift, and once inside they were brought back to ground level. They were leaving the prison then, which didn’t narrow down where they were going. Maybe Thrawn had no trial set because he wasn’t to stand in one. Perhaps he need only speak to the current people in charge of the New Republic. If that were the case, it would be easier to plead a case. Individuals were easier to understand and coerce than a faceless jury and overpowered judge.

The group walked silently out the doors of the prison and into what appeared to be a courtyard. There was a small crowd gathered around three standing men. The three were dressed in the same orange jumpsuits as Thrawn, and looking like they fit the standard mold of high ranking Imperial officer. Directly in front of the three men, between them and the crowd, was a line of New Republic soldiers, blaster rifles in each of their hands.

Suddenly, everything clicked.

“Thrawn.” He hissed, his blood running cold as it all became clear.

“Apologies Eli.” Thrawn answered, not glancing back at him. “I lied to you earlier, perhaps I should not have.”

“You’ve already had a trial, haven't you?”

“Yes.”

“You were already convicted.”

“Yes.”

“They sentenced you to death.”

Thrawn hesitated a moment but bowed his head. “Yes.”

They’d reached the group now, but Eli had stopped walking. He felt like he was going into shock, body numb, brain short circuiting. He had come here hoping to help defend Thrawn, save him from a harsh punishment and speed his return to the Ascendancy. He didn’t come here to watch the man he loved die.

Thrawn was motioned to stand in line beside the other three men, and the Chiss did so without resistance. No. Thrawn had to fight, he had to have some plan to get out of this. Some trick up his sleeve, a plan in action to escape and return with Eli. That had to be the reason he’d called Eli here, he was meant to help in some way, even if it was just a speedy get away. But as the guards left Thrawn there, taking their own place in line with the other soldiers, and Thrawn made no motion at all, he knew that there was no plan, no scheme, no way out of this.

“No!” He screamed finally, spurring his body to move. The armed men turned to him, a few flinching and raising their weapons instinctively. Eli didn’t care.

He ran to Thrawn, placing his body directly in front of the Chiss, hoping to be enough of a deterrent to firing. He faced the man, looking up into the sad red eyes of his mentor, his friend, his love. His own eyes stung, tears threatening to burst their way to the surface, Eli tried to ignore them.

“No, no, things cannot end this way Thrawn!” He screamed, grabbing the man’s shoulders tightly. “There must be something else we can do, call for a retrial, a lessened sentence! People out there need you; you can’t die here!”

“Eli.” Thrawn spoke back, his voice level and eerily calm. “It is done, there is nothing to do.”

“I refuse to stand aside and let you be executed like this!”

“Sir, stand back or we will restrain you.” One of the guards said, breaking from the line and approaching him. Eli glared at him, as well as he could while on the verge of tears.

“You can’t take him, his genius is needed, to protect his people, my people, this entire galaxy. You can’t kill him here, you’ll regret it, I swear!”

“Eli.”

“He’s the one man in this universe I believe can fight back the real threats to all life!”

“Eli.”

“The Empire pales in comparison to the dangers lurking outside this New Republic’s boundaries, and if you kill this man, you will have snuffed out your only hope!”

“Eli!” Thrawn’s voice finally raised, just enough to break Eli from his ranting. He took a deep breath, not realizing he’d yelled all of that with just a single breath of air. His lungs hurt, his throat felt sore already, and his cheeks were wet. He’d begun to cry.

“Please.” He whispered, his voice cracking.

Blue hands grabbed his face, bringing his eyes to blazing red.

“It is over Eli. I entrust the safety of my people, and all people, with you. I have given you the tools necessary to do so.”

“No! No Thrawn, there’s so much more I need to learn! I’m not like you, no one is! We need you, the Ascendancy needs you, I...I need you.” He closed his eyes, more tears slipping past his defenses and falling onto Thrawn’s hands. He was being watched, but he didn’t even bother registering any shame.

“Eli, I believe in you.”

He sobbed at the words, tears flowing unhindered now.

“Please don’t leave me. I can’t lose you again.” He took in a few shaky breaths before opening his eyes. Thrawn still looked at him with the same intensity and determination, there was no remorse, no pity, or disgust.

“I must.” Eli reached up his own hands, covering Thrawn’s own on his face, feeling the slightly colder skin against his palms.

“I love you.” It was barely a whisper, a secret he’d let slip out. A secret he’d let no one know, one he had tried to hide from himself, but with the audible utterance, that piece of his soul that had once died, flared to full intensity. “Please don’t go.” He sobbed, head falling forward onto Thrawn’s chest.

He couldn’t stand this. The fire in his chest, the fear in his heart. He couldn’t let Thrawn die, not here, not like this. Not again. Six years he believed him dead, only for the galaxy to return him then rip him from his grasp. Why did it all have to be so cruel? He wouldn’t stand for it, he’d fight whoever and whatever he must.

“Let them take me instead, I don’t care what I have to do. Let me die in your place, you’re more important than I am. Thrawn say something, fight this, do _something_ , please.” He let out a choked sob, his hands moving to Thrawn’s jumpsuit, gathering the material tightly in his fists, clinging for what was actually dear life.

The hands at his cheeks pulled him up and away from Thrawn’s chest. He was forced to look back up at the Chiss’ face, and he caught just a glimpse before he was surrounded by blue, a pair of lips descending upon his own.

Eli had imagined kissing Thrawn many times over the years. In many different ways, for many different reasons, in many different contexts. None of them, not a single one, had it playing out so bittersweet. It almost hurt. To feel the part inside his soul come alive, while the rest of him felt like dying. It was almost killing him.

When they parted, Eli refused to move away. He closed his eyes, quietly weeping, feeling his lips tingle and his heart ache. Something hit him from above, something small and wet. He opened his eyes, and audibly gasped. Thrawn was crying, a sad smile on his lips as tears fell from his eyes.

“I love you.” The Chiss said, and Eli felt that piece inside of him explode, and his heart die.

“Thrawn, please don’t leave me.” He begged one final time, his hands tightening on Thrawn’s jumpsuit.

“I must. The time has come to face the consequences of my actions. I allowed my desire to succeed cloud my judgement and tarnish my morals. I am not the man I strove out to be, I have hurt, and I have killed. The galaxy would not benefit from my presence any longer.”

“Don’t say that!”

“It doesn’t need me any longer. But I have made sure it is not without. It has you, your skills, your expertise, your spirit, and your compassion. As well as the knowledge and experience of loyal Chiss such as Ar’alani. You will combat the evils that lay out there, you will be victorious, I believe this.”

“Thrawn-”

“Have I been wrong about strategy involving you before?”

“N-No.”

“Go, fulfill the promises I could not keep, and allow me the dignity of a warriors death.”

With the final words, it was over. That piece inside of him, that part of his soul, flared brightly and all at once collapsed. Much like a supernova, growing to unstable size and warmth before exploding all together. Thrawn was right, he was always right, his logic never flawed. Eli would need to continue beyond him, along with the Chiss, and finish what he failed to do.

“This is killing me.” He whispered.

“Then live past it.” Thrawn answered.

“I love you.”

“And I love you, Eli Vanto.”

Eli surged up, claiming Thrawn’s lips in a second, and final kiss. They parted without word; an unspoken promise having been shared in their kiss. There were still tears present on both their cheeks, but it was far too late to care. Eli willingly stepped away. He backed up until he was with the remaining observers. The soldiers eyed him with wary caution but soon turned their gazes back to the prisoners.

Thrawn stared forward, a stern and impassive look on his face, despite the tears. Eli stood at stiff attention, chin tilted up, maintaining his own determined stare. He didn’t move again, not as he heard the soldiers ready their weapons, not as they took their aim, and not as the shots rang out in the quiet courtyard.

Mitth’raw’nuruodo was dead.

Part of Eli, that had once died, was again dead, and this time, it was permanent.

The aftermath was a blur. He recalled a few people coming to speak to him, a young man offering his condolences, looking just as unhappy with the outcome as Eli. A soft-spoken woman offering her own sympathies. He didn’t register them. He stood at stiff attention, mentally counting off his salutes to the greatest military mind to ever grace the galaxy.

In the years to follow, Eli moved on. He did as Thrawn had asked. Working alongside Ar’alani, Un’hee, Vah’nya, and the few other loyal Chiss. They eventually managed to beat back the Grysk forces. Weaken their forces until they could be thoroughly crushed.

In the wake of the lost enemy, the Ascendancy was flung into chaos, ruling families fighting for control and reform. Eli had no political prowess, but this was his home now, Thrawn’s home, and he would not let it fall to anything, not even itself. With the support of the Navigators, he managed to reunite the broken Ascendancy. Using what he’d learned from Thrawn to win battles against warring Chiss factions, some loyal to the decimated Grysks even now.

Fifteen years it took before peace was restored to the once grand Ascendancy. The Grysk were gone, the Chiss were a unified one, and Eli had a permanent place in the history books of the Chiss.

Despite all the praise, the accolades, he remained humble. And he refused all offers of power or riches. He didn’t fight for the glory, didn’t help the Chiss out of a selfish desire to rule. He didn’t even do it for himself. He did it for them, and the one man who loved them most.

When asked what he wanted for all his service to the Chiss Ascendancy, Eli had but one request. A statue to be made, on the surface of Csilla, the Chiss homeworld. He wanted a statue of Mitth’raw’nuruodo to be erected, in a place of utmost respect. The man who had given up everything, and lost everything, including himself, for his people.

His request was granted, and within a year, the statue was built. Something sleek and simple, the Chiss man standing tall in his Defense Fleet Commander’s uniform. His hands clasped behind his back, head turned to the side, staring up and away at the stars.

Once every year, Eli would brave the harsh Csilla cold and visit the statue. He’d stare up at the stone, feeling the dead piece of him ache. He wished to see him again, feel that skin on his hands, see those glowing eyes, watch him in action. Instead, all he had was cold stone, lifeless rock, and a stationary symbol.

As the years dragged on, and he’d long since retired, making the trek to the statue became harder and harder. His body aged, his joints ached, his strength left him. Yet he always went, refusing to miss a single year.

He never married, the hole in his soul belonged to one man, and he’d never try to fill it with another. He adopted a daughter, young Un’hee, just as her third sight faded and she was to be discharged, he took her in as his own and loved her just as much.

One year, she helped him out into the cold, to the surface to see the statue, his statue. Now an adult with a life and a family of her own, his daughter helped him out and to the statue, but she returned alone that day, a new sadness in her heart.

By the next year, a second statue was added, one to stand beside Thrawn for all eternity. One of Eli in his prime, standing tall and proud beside the Chiss. The two figures, alone on the surface of Csilla, cemented forever, together, symbols of the peace that Chiss could enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> This hurt me to write. I'm sorry. I told myself I could never kill Eli, but look at me go, OW. I hope you enjoyed, any kudos' or comments are appreciated, even though I probably just punched you all in the heart, because I punched myself in the heart...
> 
> Stay Wizard  
> ~[Mortis](https://mortisbane.tumblr.com/)


End file.
